I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
