just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Randomize
