Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
