I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
