I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
