Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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