Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize