where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
