Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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