I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
