lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
