you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
