we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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