saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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