I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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