So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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