You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize