If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
