your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
