sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
