she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
