He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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