I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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