you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
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If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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