you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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