his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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