Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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