She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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