so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.