You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.