I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
one might say we're banned from that church
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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