My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we made out on top of his cat.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn