after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.