We won't sleep together?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.