If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.