Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
