he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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