Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
