You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
