If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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