I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
