Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
