if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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