lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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