Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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