That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
