Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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