I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
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new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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