I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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