Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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