Got a toothbrush?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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