I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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