It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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