Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
