his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
