Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In other news, I just burned my penis
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
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