Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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