he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
