I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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