the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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