I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
