I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
