I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize