just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
