guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
