dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize