I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
last night I used snow as a chaser
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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