just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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