please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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