his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
