i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
