I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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