Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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