you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
