If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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