Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
