I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
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her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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