I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
