i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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