batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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