If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
