he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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