I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
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And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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