she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
