we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
