so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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