I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
