Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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