Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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