Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
wrigley field is MILF paradise
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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