I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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