as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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